Tuesday, December 10, 2013

KSL article comment.

I have been reading all the comments that people have left both here on my blog and on KSL for my article, "I didn't marry my soulmate".

I just have to tell you all how touched I am at your kind words. My only regret with that article is that I didn't say that my husband also didn't marry his soul mate. Neither of us thought we did (of course we were still in love), but both of us are very aware after 9 years of marriage how incredibly lucky we are to have each other and that's what matters.

I do believe that there are soul mates out there. I also believe that we create our own happiness. Certainly all chances for love and happiness are not lost if the person you thought was meant for you, ended up choosing someone else. Certainly there will be another with whom you can be just as happy. The whole reason I wrote this article was because I have noticed a growing trend in crumbling marriages among my age group. A lot of which was a result from a "grass is greener" mentality. Sadly, most later realize that it isn't. I had heard one too many times from people, "I just didn't marry the right person". Why that may be true in a few cases, I think the majority of marriages can work and can result in happiness.

My husband and I both decided to marry someone that perhaps wasn't who we initially thought was who we would end up with. That isn't depressing or sad, in fact it is the opposite. It has brought us both peace of mind knowing that our marriage is whatever we make it. Neither of us want it to fail so we work toward it working forever. Because of that we are happy. Soul mates or not, at some point everyone is going to go through tough times that make them question their choice. Remembering why we chose that person in the first place and how lucky we are to have them quickly helps us realize just how fortunate we are. That's how I feel . . .fortunate, very very fortunate.   

13 comments:

  1. Kate,
    Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful thoughts and experiences. I believe there is great wisdom in the words and observations you have shared in your article on soul mates.
    I have been married to the same woman for twenty seven years. I have seen incredible highs that make my heart want to sing praises to the heavens for all the blessings I have received. I have also seen despairingly low points that have made me seriously question my faith and my desire to go on living. At times we are madly in love, other times we drift and wonder if the spark has gone out. Then, by design, or chance, something comes along and reminds us how wonderful we are together and how bright that spark continues to burn. It was burning bright all along; we just need a kick in the pants and an eye opener to help us see the truth. Sometimes it may be something as simple as an article on KSL.
    Kate, there is true wisdom in your words. Thank you for sharing them with others. Follow the positive in life and always fight the good fight. You will find, in the end, it was well worth your efforts.

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  2. Well my dear the feeling that you thought was right is simply just LUST. Unfortunately that is a large reason why people in there early twenties get married these day's ( not to mention the libido). In my opinion there would be more successfull marriage's today if people spent more energy towards careers and health. Puppy love is fun in middle school, but no true foundation for a successful marrage. That takes having a solid carrer , established social circle & yes dating multiple people/ partners, so you are certain of what you want. We all have moments when we are young in which we make believe we are in love, in all actuality souls mates or true love boil down to being tolerable, making sacrifices & and of course blood, sweat, tears. Chew on that!!!!

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  3. I read your article to my wife when I got home from work. We enjoyed it immensely. In my research I once read that an intense romantic love ends in divorce if it cannot change into friendship love after its first year. Romantic love cannot stay in its high revved up state much longer than that and friendship love is more stable. I sincerely believe that. When you hear a man say, "I love my wife more than when we were first married" I think this is what he means. He loves her as both a friend and a romantic mate, but more and more as a friend as time passes.

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  4. Actually dear sister, I think you really did find your soul mate, you truly did. Both of you might not be exactly what each other wanted, may not have had soul mate wrapping, but you both were what each other needed. Personally I still believe in soulmates, but they still have to be chosen, and may not be what we expect, but we can cultivate them like our gardens.

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    1. With all due respect, I truly believe that her statement at the end of the article was spot on. He has BECOME her soul mate. Modern romantic notions have it all backwards. There isn't just one person for any of us. Soul mates aren't created in some mythical forge and then set down into a chaotic world and left to hope they find their way to each other. Rather, soul mates are two rods of unshaped iron that get hammered into compatible shapes through their own choices and life experience.

      You don't start out as soul mates who were destined to be together. That kind of thinking has ruined many relationships with great potential the moment the shine wears off and they each notice the other's imperfections. You try to make a good initial choice and then work together on becoming right for each other. You become soul mates as you grow together.

      That has been my experience, anyway.

      Thanks, Kate, for the great article.

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    2. I really appreciate your comment.

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  5. I found your blog through this artical. I stayed up way to late reading all the posts I could. My only complaint is that there is not more to read! I love it!

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    1. Thanks so much!! I need to blog more, I spent a bunch of time finishing my book A half Fast Memoir which is more of the same type of stories so I haven't written lately. Now that I am done I will have to pick it up! Thanks!!

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  6. I too found your blog through the soul mate article. And I have to agree with some the other people who have left comments here that there is not one perfect soul mate for each of us. That pulse racing, twitterpated feeling that comes at the beginning of some relationships is not an indication of having found your one true love. I agree that too many people think that once that feeling starts to dissipate they feel that the romance must be over. But that is when the true work begins of keeping a marriage working. You are so lucky to have consciously made the decision to be the wife to your husband. I believe that is over 90% of the foundation of a good marriage. I have been married 27 years and happily too. I wish you and Travis the best on your marriage. You obviously are perfect for each other in the sense that you are both all in and have the desire for your relationship to work. I hope that your article reaches young people and they figure out the secret to a happy marriage as well. I thank you for your work, I will be back to read more of your blog!

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  7. I did marry my soulmate but I learned quickly that just because you marry your soulmate doesn't mean that you will live happily ever after. Marriage is hard work, there are good times and bad times. The important thing is to find someone who will stick with you when you are not at your best, someone who won't run away at the first sign of difficult times ahead. Thank you for your candid article, it has a wonderful message!

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  8. I think this struck a cord with me because life is hard. 30 days into our marriage things were not going the way that the article in Bride Magazine said they would. I cried when he bought me a house plant instead of roses because it would last longer and I expected him to fill the spot of a gushy female friend. I had no idea what to expect. But, I was given some good advice. Make him your best friend. It took time and trials, but we got there. Not to say things have been perfect since then, because they are far from it. The important thing is we have found a way to manage each other's quirks and we are happy.
    Thanks for your article.

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  9. I did not marry my soulmate either. In fact, your story sounds very similiar to mine. My story could fill a whole book rather than a blog. I am not a writer, I am a teacher. If you are interested in writing a book, I have over 30 years of material to share with you. I have been wanting to get my story on paper for some time now but never knew how.

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    1. Hi Christa,
      Thanks so much! What a compliment about writing your book. I have to tell you that I am probably not the one to do it, considering I haven't been successful in getting my own books published yet. I am currently working on a third. So here we go again. Also I wasn't a writer at all until 7 years ago. I had no idea I had it in me and my grammar and English skills were more than lacking. It's amazing what happens when you just sit down and write. I am a firm believer that only you can tell your story. It just won't be the same if someone else tells it. I hope that you do it. You should at least try. Once you do, if you ever wanted me to read it and give you feedback I'd be honored. good Luck to you!

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