Wednesday, March 27, 2013

How to embrace your dirty little secrets

This is the article I wrote for If you're interested in reading it. If you like it please share it. As always thank you so much for the support!  You guys are awesome!!

Click here

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Crown Prince of Africa

I don't want to brag, but this is really exciting news...His Majesty, the Crown Prince of Africa has been leaving comments on my blog. I know he has no doubt sent emails to you either because you won the lottery or he wants to give you money or he is in love with you or maybe all of the above. Anyway I just wanted to share with you some of the comments he has sent me. They are powerful. 

"Pretty portion of content. I simply stumbled
upon your site and in accession capital to claim that I acquire in fact
loved account your weblog posts. Any way I will be subscribing for your feeds and even I fulfillment you access consistently quickly."

Don't try to understand it. He has a very extensive vocabulary.

The rest of his comments were left on my post: "The Bachelor: The Final Hose Ceremony".
"There is certainly a great deal to learn about this issue.
I like all the points you've made."

It's so nice when you write something relevant to a show as gripping as  "The Bachelor" to have someone acknowledge all the good points I have made on such an important issue.  

"I know this website presents quality based articles and other data, is
there any other web page which offers such stuff in quality?"

Once again, thank you for acknowledging that my writing offers some "quality based data".  Unfortunately I don't know of any other websites that offer "such stuff in quality". However, there is a magazine called "The Enquirer" that may be similar and it offers "stuff in quality" like my blog.

"It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it's time to be happy. I have read this publish and if I may I want to counsel you few interesting issues or advice. Perhaps you could write subsequent articles referring to this article. I desire to learn even more things about it!"

Really he has a point here. Thanks for reading my publish! Not only am I happy but I'm now making plans for the future . . .once I receive your counsel of course.

"Hi there, yup this piece of writing is actually nice and I have learned lot
of things from it on the topic of blogging. thanks."

Yup. No Problem.

Monday, March 18, 2013

A Few "Memories"

I had the opportunity to serve a service mission for the LDS church when I was 21. I went to Italy and had some incredible experiences. Since most of them were hard to put into words or close to my heart, I usually wrote them in my journal and saved the crazy and funny stories for my letters back home. I was going through some of those letters the other night and found this letter. I wrote it toward the end of my mission on a day when I didn't have much to say so instead I invented memories I "had" with each of my family members. They are all made up, but in some of them I used snippets of church movies or talks, deep thoughts, cheesy movies and just plain weirdness. I believe this was the letter that helped me decide that one day I wanted to be a writer. 

Enjoy. Don't try to understand it. It's weird and hopefully funny??
And I am back with a few memories.

Jon-Do you remember the time when you told me you invented the big dipper?

Jeff-Do you remeber when you sat behind me in old Mr. Greens school house, and you called me "Carrots", because of my red hair and I got so mad at you that I broke my slate over your head? Well that was that. Mr. Green got so mad, he got out the paddle and we both knew that he was going to whip me good. You stood and said, "I will take Agnes' lashings". 
I bet that walk to the front of the class seemed like eternity, I know it did for me. I remember when Mr. Green took off your coat; the one Mom made you out of Dads old work socks, the one that
hardly kept out the fierce winter chill. I gasped in horror, as you wore no shirt. My eyes than traveled down to your feet, but something was amiss. It was then that I saw that you didnt have shoes on at all, but that your feet had been maticulously painted with black shoe polish to look like sunday shoes and it was then that I knew ... I still
know. Thanks Jeff, thank you!

Tammy-Do you remeber when you skated at the Nagono, Japan Olympics in '78? No one knew you were blind. You did so well, you even threw in that triple lux, into a sit spin, that I taught you. The audience, was riveted.You were over come with emotion after, but there was only one problem; you forget about the roses they threw on the ice, the roses they always threw on the ice, and you ... you fell. I came on the ice and gently picked you up ... just like you have done for me so many times before.

Eric-Do you remeber when you and Amy were in the Chariot Races in '56 (B.C. that is). I sat in the stands and cheered for you, until I watched as you both at dangerous speeds, lost control of the family chariot, it swerved crazily, you were racing Conan that year, you know - the Barbarian. My head was swirling, whirling, I was so cold so cold .. ! I felt trapped ... lt was then that I realized that I was trapped in the ice box behind, The old five and dime store, and you guys werent in a race at all. You were changing the tire on our '56 Chevy, lazily drinking old Maggie-Linns famous lemonade. Good times, Good times

Mom and Dad- Do you remeber when my only dream in life was to be a Roadie for Wilson Phillips? You guys never stood in my way- not once. I even remember the time, when we went to their, "Battle of the Bulge" concert in Nashville. Dad was wearing his, "I'm with stupid" t-shirt, Mom in her, "Because I'm the Mom that's why" t-shirt and me in my, "I'm talking and I can't shut-up" t-shirt. Oh how we shined.

Bob-Do you remember when you and Angela took me to Cheyenne Rodeo of '96? I rode for you guys, I'm still riding for you. Afterwards we went to Home Depot . . .for obvious reasons.

Erin-Do you remember when you had the Elections in '68?  You won by a land slide. Afterward we all went to
celebrate. We drove to the Piggley Wiggley for a Coke, and you bought me a "Little Slugger" hat.

Jordan-Do you remeber when we were at the Hand Cart Days Parade, and you had made your famous Cream Puffs, and old Sally Anne brought her Blueberry Tarts? That was the day that I went on the Ferris Wheel with Tommy Tucker, and Becky was green with envy cause she was sweet on him! I still think you should have won that bake off by a landslide!

I will always remember the Winter of '49. It was especially cruel to us that year- what with the Alamo and all. I remember they called Dad to Fight, Johnny had the gout and a fake leg. He couldn't go. I found some old tin, out back, and fashioned you out a breast plate, and spent the whole night designing the Family Crest on it for you. That was the year when our crop did especially well.

Well I could go on and on, but I must close now. We'll always have Days of our Lives and Bon Bons. I love you all.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

In Case of Emergency ( Article)

In case of emergency, can your kid actually help?

By Katie Lee | Posted - Mar 14th, 2013 @ 7:33pm

SALT LAKE CITY — Periodically on the news, I hear about a really young kid that saved a parent’s life by dialing 911 in an emergency situation. This is more than impressive.
My oldest son is pretty smart, and I could see him doing something like that. My daughter, although smart, can be kind of selfish. Even though she may know how to do it, it would pretty much come down to whether or not she felt like it.
Regardless of what might happen, I thought it was a good idea to teach the two of them what to do in an emergency.
At the time, I was pregnant with our third child. I get very sick when I'm pregnant and am usually pretty dehydrated. I get light-headed and sometimes I pass out. I figured it would be good for them to know what to do if I were to pass out and hit my head or something like that. This is how our conversation went:
    Me: "OK you guys, what do you do if Mommy all of the sudden falls over and it looks like I'm asleep?
    Meg: "Get you a blankie."
    As I suspected, the girl is of no help, although it's good to see that she does have some compassion after all. I turned my focus to the boy.
    Me: "Cam, what if you couldn't wake me up and I was lying there not talking and my eyes were closed?" I realize this is confusing, since I nap next to them on the couch daily while they watch a movie. Since I also ignore their requests, I realize they will not know the difference. I make a mental note to hide the phone during nap times or 911 will also be getting called daily.
    Cam: "I know, we call 911 or get a neighbor!"
    I don’t feel guilty about the daily naps anymore after that answer. Obviously, I’m an awesome mom.
    Me: "That's right buddy, very good."
    When teaching your kids to call 911 ...
    • Always refer to the emergency number as "nine-one-one" not "nine-eleven."
    • Make sure your child knows his or her personal information (name, address, phone number, etc.) and that it's OK to share that information with the 911 dispatcher.
    • If you live in an apartment building, make sure your child knows the apartment number and floor you live on.
    • If you have special circumstances in your house (an elderly grandparent or a person with a heart condition, etc.) prepare your child by discussing specific emergencies that could occur and how to spot them.
    • Keep a first-aid kit handy and make sure your kids know where to find it. When kids are old enough, teach them basic first aid.
    I try again with the girl. "OK, so Meg, if you ever see Mommy fall down and I can't move — you run to the neighbor's house and tell them Mommy is hurt."
    Meg: "OK"
I was feeling pretty confident and proud of my kids. I headed into the bathroom for a potty break. As I was washing my hands I heard our door open. I went to see who was walking in my house and discovered my neighbor there.
    Neighbor: "Oh good, you're OK. Meg just came running over and told me that you fell down and couldn't wake up."
Awesome. At least she knows how to do it.
Later, I had an actual semi-emergency and was able to see exactly how my kids would react.
Our kitchen and living room are connected. I was cooking dinner while the kids watched a show. All of the sudden I began to feel very shaky. I hadn't eaten yet and knew I hadn't been drinking enough water either. I tried to make it to the couch and instead sort of slumped to the floor where I passed out. My kids continued to watch "Curious George" while I lay on the floor. I came to and realized what had happened. Feeling horrible and knowing it would happen again, I knew I needed to call my husband.
    Me, still on the floor: "You guys, I need help right now. I need you to call Daddy — this is an emergency."
    Cam glances my way while Meg eats a handful of chips and continues to watch the monkey.
    Cam: “Mom, can you get me some milk in a sippy cup and can you warm it up?”
    Me (trying to raise my voice and be somewhat authoritative): "Cameron! I need you right now honey, this is an emergency like we talked about. Call Daddy right now!"
    Cam doesn’t take his eyes off the show, but talks in an annoyed voice. “I just want some milk.”
    I begin to dry heave and Meg finally decides to acknowledge me.
    Meg: “Eww sick.”
    At this point I’m on the floor with my legs up on the couch. There is vomit by my head.
    Me: "Cameron Lee. You listen to me right now! This is an emergency!! Call Dad now! Mommy needs to go to the hospital!"
    Cam looks at me angrily and growls in a frustrated voice as he reaches for the phone. "Rrrrggghhh! I have to do everything around here!!!"
I think I’m just going to buy a medical alert bracelet.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Bachelor - The Hose Ceremony

I watched the last episode of this seasons The Bachelor and the After the Final Rose last night. 

I can't understand the Bachelor. Not the people that are watching it, mind you,that I completely understand. In fact my girlfriends and I used to get together every Monday with our popcorn and treats and settle in for a night of laughing, embarrassment and yes, even romance.

What I never understand is how all of those women seem so shocked when they aren't picked.  I'm not talking about the crazies. Everyone, but they understands why they're going home. By the way, I've noticed a trend in regards to the crazies. They happen to stick around just a little too long for it to be believable. I get that you want drama, but at some point you're just making the Bachelor look like an imbecile.

No, I'm talking about all the other girls - the ones that make it almost to the end and say, "I don't understand why this keeps happening to me."

Wait, What? This keeps happening to you? How many other times have you been competing for the same guy with 24 other girls in different exotic locations around the world? I get what you're saying, but Ladies here's the thing. You're in a proverbial Las Vegas and you keep heading for the table with the absolute worst odds in the joint. You know the revolving platform with the six figure car on top that no one really wins? Stop playing for it! Yes, this is weird for a Christian to be using Vegas as a dating metaphor, but relax-it's just that; a metaphor.

Anyway. Bachelorette's, as I was saying, look around, it's time to get smart. Play the slot machine. See all the women kicking back with their 80th drink, their credit card hooked to a chain on their belt stuck in the slot machine where it's been since they arrived two days previously? That's your ticket. Yes, it's not attractive. No, it's not glamorous and Yes, you have to play it continuously, but, you actually win sometimes! And here's the best part--you can play the slots looking your worst. In fact, it's almost expected. When you head for the six figure car, you go looking like a Bond girl. Not so with the slots. Feel free to head on over in your jammies.

You don't even have to compete. There are plenty of slot machines for everyone. Girls, for the love, you're gorgeous. Some of you are smart and some of you are mostly normal. Granted, after a few of those public cry fests and fights, you may need to go into hiding for a little while to clear your image, but it's not your fault. It isn't fair that millions of Americans had a front row seat to your numerous breakdowns.  The rest of us get to save those moments of crazy for when we're married and pregnant, throwing up on the bathroom floor; mascara running down our faces from the ugly cry. That's when most men find out that we're all crazy sometimes, but by then it's too late.

So girls take control of your relationships. Play it safe - play the slots. Then sit back, relax and wait for that "ding, ding, ding" sound when that triple hits and you've finally won.

And to you-the woman who is literally playing the slots; the one that's left your credit card in the machine for two days. Do yourself a favor and just let someone steal your card.  You'll probably lose a lot less money that way. Hit the buffet. It's free and there's only about a 50 percent chance that you'll regret it later.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Ghost Bird

My 5-year-old son, Cameron has a monstrosity of an Angry Bird that he got for Christmas. It's hideous and huge. I tried to tell him that Santa doesn't bring stuffed animals, let alone ones that are the same size that he is, but in the end Santa went soft.

The kid already has three other Angry Bird-stuffed-animals plus a stuffed-animal-cow that he's had since birth. To make matters worse, he insists on sleeping with all of them. It's getting ridiculous. When I go in at night after he's asleep, his head is always sopping wet from sweat where the monstrous Angry Bird is shoved between the wall and his head. I've started moving it and all his other stuffed animals to the foot of his bed after he falls asleep so he doesn't get heat exhaustion.

The other night I did just that before settling in to watch a movie with my husband. About twenty minutes later I could hear walking in the kitchen. I called for whichever child it was to come into the living room.  No one came so I went into the kitchen. I found Cameron shaking in the corner crying. 

"Hey. It's OK buddy. Did you have a nightmare?" I asked him.

Cam's face was really sad as he shook his head, "no". Since he seemed pretty shaken up, I told him to just come lay with me on the couch for a bit. He was sitting on my lap and all of the sudden he looks at me and squeaks out, "Angry Bird moved." After he says it, he clings to me and just starts sobbing.

I'm thinking, what do you mean Angry Bird moved? And then it hits me, this poor kid is scared to death. He wakes up only to find that his Angry Bird isn't by his side anymore. Instead the huge thing is now seated at the end of the bed staring at him. He thinks the stupid thing is possessed and has somehow moved.

I apologize profusely and tell him that his bird didn't move and that it was me that moved it. He finally works up the courage to go back to bed. Needless to say, I've stopped moving Angry Bird.

I'm not going to lie though, I stuck that little tidbit of bad parenting in my back pocket. I'm not going to say that I'm going to do it again . . .I'm just going to say that you can never have enough reserves just in case.