Monday, February 11, 2013
I use to substitute teach quite a bit. The worst part was taking roll, especially in Jr. High.
Me: "Now, while I take roll, let me just say that there's no need for any of you to say stupid things like, "not-here" or "here" every time I call anyone's name including your own, or "here" in stupid made up voices. By the look on most of your faces, I can tell that you're surprised that A. I knew that's what you were going to do and B. That I said it's dumb."
"Ok here we go."
Girl (disgusted with me): "It's pronounced Berni. The C and the E are silent."
Me-"What about the 2?"
Me: "Nothing. It's my fault for reading it exactly how it's written."
Me: "Bob. . .Wait is that your name for real?"
Me: "Really, people are still naming their kids that? Hmm interesting. Good name. It's my Dad's name."
Boy (quietly): "It's Dennis"
Me: "Whoops, my bad. Not a great way to start out as a 7th grader. Pretty sure you'll be called Denise from here on out. That's on me-sorry buddy."
Me: "Am I back East right now?"
Me: "Ok after the last few names, I'm not even going to attempt to say this one, so whoever has the other weird name, go ahead and raise your hand."
Little Asian kid in the back raises his hand.
Me: "Ok, teach me how to say it."
Him: "It's Nick."
Me: "Why in the world would you assume that you're the one with the weird name?"
Me: "Is it because you're Asian?
Him: Shrugs again.
Me: "That's racist. Go to the office."
Him: Starts to get up.
Me: "Oh my gosh, I'm totally kidding. Sit down. . . Seriously though racism against yourself? That's sad. Self-racist, is that a thing?"
Other kids: Starting to look around at each other not knowing if I'm cool, a freak, serious, or disappointed.
Me: "Back to the role. Oh wow. OK. Pa... pat.. patir?"
Girl in back (Jr. High attitude again): "Patirarity it's a mix of patience and charity. Duh"
Me:"Duh? For real? First off, is the name an oxymoron for the personality? And second off, all of you that want to be angry at someone, blame your parents.
Me: "By the way, you guys can call me Kate." I write it on the board for them: K8.
"Make sure you pronounce it right."